Green Day does political ’sellout’, announces next album, ‘American Idiot II’

Some of Green Day’s fans may consider the former indie band’s next move to be a political sellout.

Their new album, 21st Century Breakdown, isn’t even six months old, but rock band Green Day already has announced plans for their next album.

Scheduled to be released sometime around 2011 or early 2012, Green Day will record and release American Idiot II.

Whereas the 2004 album American Idiot focuses on the band’s look at post-911 America and its discontentment towards President Bush, American Idiot II looks at the band’s growing discontentment with President Barack Obama.

“All of us voted for Barack Obama in 2008, and initially we were very excited about his becoming president,” said lead guitarist and frontman Billy Joe Armstrong. “But now, as we look at how the country’s economy, how all these countries are laughing at us and how the president seems to be engaging in the same type of censorship [expletive] that we thought Bush did, all I can do now is look back to November 2008 and say, ‘Oh [expletive]! What have I done? What the [expletive] was I thinking when I voted for this man?”

With this, American Idiot II plans to focus on how things are really not any better under President Obama, Armstrong said. In fact, they’re getting worse.

Also in the band is bassist Mike Dirnt and drummer Tré Cool.

“We know many people will think we’re selling out because we were so anti-Bush and anti-War on Terror, but we’ve wisened up and have come to realize that, frankly, this current president doesn’t have the first clue what he’s doing,” Dirnt added. “We’ve decided to pull our heads out of the sand and acknowledge that Islamofascism is an exponentially-growing threat, and it’s only going to get worse.”

Detroit Lions QB Matt Stafford inducted into NFL Hall of Fame

Following the lead of the Nobel Prize Committee, which awarded a Nobel Peace Prize to President Barack Obama–ostensibly for the good things he might do during his presidency–NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced that Detroit Lions rookie quarterback Matt Stafford has been inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

Matt Stafford, Hall of Fame quarterback, looks for a receiver.

“Matt Stafford continues to improve week after week, and we have every confidence in the world that someday he’ll finish his career with Super Bowl rings, passing records, Pro Bowl appearances and with lots of the commercial endorsements Peyton Manning currently has,” Goodell said in a statement. “For that reason, we are inducting Stafford into the Hall of Fame.”

Stafford, the Lions’ first-overall pick in this year’s draft, was at a loss for words.

“Wow, and to think I never won the Heisman or led the University of Georgia to the National Championship,” he said finally.

Some veterans are very critical of Stafford’s induction.

“What am we, chopped liver?” asked Peyton Manning on behalf of himself and his brother. “We’ve actually won Super Bowls! We’ve been to the Pro Bowl! What more do we need?”

Former Lions quarterback Joey Harrington was also very angry about Stafford’s induction. “What if he flops like I did?” Harrington asked on his way to a Seattle Seahawks tryout.

President Obama to print money to pay off national debt

Obama’s solution to the deficit: printing press.

America’s National Debt stands at about $11 trillion, and President Barack Obama knows how to pay off the debt.

With senators, business owners and representatives from the Salvation Army around him, the president signed the 2009 U.S. Debt Forgiveness Act, which calls for the printing of $11 trillion in new American currency to pay off the national debt.

Obama estimated that it would take about three weeks for the cash to be dispersed.

“This will allow us a new beginning for our economy, for us to finally be debt-free,” Obama said in a speech.

Amid criticism from some Democrats, Republicans, economic historians and financial talk show host Dave Ramsey, Obama insisted this was the best plan.

J. Ellington Higdon, an economics professor at the University of South Texas and an expert on the post-World War I German economy, said the debt forgiveness act would be a recipe for disaster.

“I hope you like paying $200 for a gallon of gasoline,” the professor said in an exclusive interview with Ponderings From Pluto’s C.F. Twob. “That’s what it’ll come to, and that’s a conservative estimate.”

Higdon noted that the Germans printed up billions upon billions upon billions of Deutsch Marks at the end of the war to pay restitution to various countries. The result was hyper inflation, with a loaf of bread selling for millions of Deutsch Marks. Others burned currency to keep warm, saying that the currency was worthless anyway.

Former president Jimmy Carter responded to Higdon’s claim, saying that Higdon, for criticizing Obama’s plan, obviously is a racist.

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George Clooney outed–as a Republican

Will George Clooney be smiling as he files for unemployment benefits?

No, he’s not ready to get married and settle down with one girl, and he’s not been discovered to be a homosexual. Instead, George Clooney has been caught in the act of something else that may jeopardize his career.

Clooney has been confirmed to be a closeted Republican.

For years and years, political donations to Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bob Dole, George W. Bush and finally John McCain have been made by a Stanley Jacobs of Cincinnati. Investigation by Ponderings From Pluto reveal that Jacobs’ bank account number is the same as one also used by Clooney, who’s also from Cincinnati.

“Yes, I’m a Republican,” Clooney admitted to PFP’s C.F. Twob. “All these years campaigning for liberal causes and for liberal candidates have been a complete act, just like what I do for a living.”

Why has Clooney pretended to be a Democrat?

“It’s simple,” he said. “Hollywood has no tolerance for anything that’s even slightly right of center. You have to be a liberal to have a career. I mean, why do you think guys like Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mel Gibson kept their political beliefs quiet early in their careers? For someone who hasn’t had a big career break to be caught saying, writing or doing anything conservative, there are two words: career killer.”

Clooney’s break came as a carpenter on The Facts of Life, and even then, he noticed many conservatives in Hollywood were pretending to be liberal in order to protect their careers.

The actor/director added that keeping his political beliefs a secret meant also creating many red herrings–such as the anti-Joseph McCarthy movie he directed and co-starred in, Good Night, and Good Luck.

“I’m actually a great admirer of Senator McCarthy and think he sacrificed his career, reputation and life to help protect America from communist infiltration,” Clooney explained. “But the movie served its purpose and did a great job of helping me guard my secret.”

Clooney suggested there are other big name stars who are secretly GOP supporters, but he chose not to name names. “I won’t become the political version of Perez Hilton,” he said, referring to the openly gay celebrity gossip blogger who likes to out closeted gay celebrities.

He joked that now, probably the only people in Los Angeles who will have lunch with him these days are actors like James Woods, Tom Selleck, Vince Vaughn and Sylvester Stallone.

To comment, post below or send an e-mail to ponderingsfrompluto@gmail.com.

2009 Concert Set List, Backstage Rider of ‘A Flock of Seagulls’ Revealed

A Flock of Seagulls, back in the day when New Wave was in and America hadn’t been hit by New Coke yet.

Yes, that same eighties one-hit wonder band that you thought had long since been disbanded is still alive and performing.

Notice that we didn’t say “alive and well”. That’s because the only original band member of the oceanic birds has been the lead singer and keyboardist, Mike Score, a former hairdresser whose wavy, oversized avarian hairstyle became the band’s trademark.

The band is perhaps best known for its 1982 hit “I Ran (So Far Away)”. Over the years, band members have come and gone, but the U.K. band still travels and performs.

In fact, they’re scheduled to perform a concert October 10 at the auditorium of San Antonio East Central High School. Ponderings From Pluto has obtained a set list of what A Flock of Seagulls will perform in their concert:

1. Tuning instruments while lead singer Score tells a funny story told to him by Prince Charles’ personal dentist

2. Thanking the crowd for attending and encouraging them to download “I Ran”, even if it’s through Limewire or an illegal site.

3. I Ran

4. Guitar solo

5. I Ran — acoustic version

6. Keyboard solo

7. I Ran — bluegrass version

8. I Ran — death metal version

9. Bass solo

10. I Ran — opera version

11. I Ran — tejano version with Spanish lyrics (“Weird Al” Yankovic is rumored to make a guest appearance with his accordion)

12. Drum solo

13. I Ran — techno version

14. Restroom break for band

Encore — “I Ran” sang to the tune of KISS’s song “Rock and Roll All Nite”

 

As for the Seagulls’ concert rider, we learn they have some extremely strict backstage demands:

1. Running water

2. Ritz crackers

3. Bathrooms that have been cleaned in the past two weeks

4. Three 12-packs of toilet paper, store brand’s ok

5. A microwave

6. Assortment of Swanson frozen TV dinners

7. Three loaves of Wonder bread

8. A tin of biscuits (NOTE: biscuits are what you Americans refer to as COOKIES)

9. Assorted disposable drinking and eating utensils.

10. Two bottles each of red and white wine. If it’s not asking too much, we prefer Corbet Canyon wine (we don’t know if it’s good, but the commercials are kind of cool)

11. Napkins

12. Two rooms at a nearby Motel 6 (we’ll also use those as dressing rooms)

In case you were wondering about the song, here it is for your viewing pleasure

Richard Zowie runs several blogs besides this one and sometimes even posts here using the pseudonym C.F. Twob. Send comments to ponderingsfrompluto@gmail.com.

Wil Wheaton finishes filming scenes for upcoming ‘24′ season

Actor Wil Wheaton has just finished filming his scenes for the upcoming season of 24, and the actor says he couldn’t be happier.

“I had the time of my life,” Wheaton told Ponderings From Pluto’s C.F. Twob. “There were a few scenes where my character hits Jack Bauer hard enough to draw blood, and I joked with Kiefer [Sutherland] that was payback for his character harrassing me in Stand By Me.”

As previously reported here, Wheaton will play an American Muslim who’s actually a rogue Israeli Mossad agent undercover.

The actor declined to say whether or not his character had been killed off.

Sean Penn to reprise Jeff Spicoli character in ‘Fast Times at Ridgemont High’ sequel

Actor/director/political activist/know-it-all Sean Penn has signed on to reprise his stoned surfer Jeff Spicoli character in a sequel to the early eighties hit Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

The movie will be known simply as Fast Times at Ridgemont High 2 and will track the lives of its primary characters.

In an exclusive interview with Ponderings From Pluto, Penn spoke to reporter C.F. Twob about the project:

C.F. Twob: Sean, how did this sequel come about?

Sean Penn: Well, I was bored with winning a few Oscars and decided to revisit a character I haven’t played in a long time.

CFT: Jeff Spicoli, you mean.

SP: Yes.

CFT: Will it be hard to get back into character after such a long layoff?

SP: No, not really. Jeff says stupid, off-the-wall things and so do I. Sometimes I think I never really got out of character. You know, sometimes it feels as if Jeff Spicoli’s been playing Sean Penn and not the other way around.

CFT: I take it you smoked a lot of marijuana during the filming of Fast Times.

SP: I noticed you used the past tense, “smoked”. You assume I don’t smoke pot anymore.

CFT: If you still smoke pot, would that account for some of your crazy political assertions, such as how Bill O’Reilly and Howard Stern should be traded for Osama bin Laden and how President Bush was a crazy man?

SP: Yeah. It would also account for the flattering columns I wrote about Iraq and Iran for the San Francisco newspapers.

Penn spoke during the interview about some plot points from the new movie, but he asked that they not be revealed due to the script still being finalized.

Questions? Comments? Leave a comment here at the blog posting or go to ponderingsfrompluto@gmail.com.

Pleasure in torturing terrorists: a PFP commentary by C.F. Twob

By C.F. Twob

Columnist and founder of Ponderings From Pluto

This past weekend, I attended a flea market and was looking for some shirts to purchase for wearing around the house. A few caught my eye. They read: “Gun Control Means Using Both Hands”, “If Liberals Had Any Brains They’d Be Conservatives” and “Was Sean Penn Playing Jeff Spicoli or Is Jeff Spicoli Playing Sean Penn?”

And then there was one great one, one that’s funny, sarcastic and sends a great political message:

“I Love Torturing Terrorists”!

Isn’t that great? After all, people think waterboarding is torture (if only they ever read about what our men suffered in the Hanoi Hilton and what Chinese dissidents suffer in the Bamboo Gulags and what Cubans on Castro’s bad list suffer). But think about it: without torture, would we have all the leads we’ve had in the war on terror? Do you think Al Qaeda insurgents would give up their plans and their friends if we offered them all the virgins they could sleep with and all the cigarettes they could smoke?

No.

Torturing terrorists helps us get information to keep this country safe, so, therefore, I love torturing terrorists!

Kanye West has too much ’sippy sippy’, unleashes disturbing details

An hour or so after embarrassing himself and Taylor Swift at the Video Music Awards, Kanye West helped himself to too much cognac (or as he likes to call it, “sippy sippy”), and let out some disturbing details about himself.

In an exclusive interview with Ponderings from Pluto, West revealed the following:

“I’m a media whore. Period. This crashing Swift’s acceptance speech was all about marketing. Publicity. I don’t give a sh*t about Beyonce or her career–it was all about ME.”

“George Bush don’t care about nobody. Neither does Barack Obama. The only president who would care about anybody would be ME.”

“Why the f*ck is ‘cognac’ spelled k-o-g-n-a-k? Shouldn’t it be kone-yak?”

“Forget Elvis. Forget the Beatles. Forget everybody. I am the greatest entertainer in the world!”

Heart Tribute Band, ‘Gall Bladder’, to make debut

For Ann and Nancy Wilson, imitation appears to be the most sincerest form of flattery.

Describing itself as a tribute band of the seventies and eighties pop rock band “Heart”, a group of San Antonio-based friends have announced they are forming a Heart tribute band.

Identifying themselves as Mike J., Sammy K., Stacie Z., Sally L. and Billy R., the five singers will perform as a tribute band and sing such Heart classics as “Barracuda”, “Alone”, “These Dreams” and other songs.

Their name: Gall Bladder.

“I don’t know if we picked it because we were all high at the time, but it just sounded right,” said Sally L. “We’d heard this weird rumor that when Ann and Nancy Wilson first formed the band, they wanted to name it after an internal organ. They thought ‘Brain’ sounded too nerdy and that ‘Gall Bladder’ sounded to autopsyish. ‘Intestine’, of course, was out. They chose Heart instead. We think ‘Gall Bladder’ suits us well, since some will say we have a lot of ‘gall’ to try to duplicate Heart.”

Neither of the Wilson sisters could be reached for comment. They have been best known lately for publicly prohibiting John McCain’s failed presidential campaign from using the song “Barracuda” to introduce running mate Sarah Palin (who was nicknamed Sarah Barracuda in high school).