A funny story I heard once

I first encountered this story while in the service. I doubt it’s true, but to me, it’s absolutely hilarious. A meandering read, but if you like off-beat humor, you’ll probably like this…

So, I was leaving the mall one day. I pulled out of my parking spot and drove toward the exit when another car from behind raced past me and cut me off. “Watch where you’re going, Jackass!” I screamed. The driver, a man, flipped me off and kept on driving.

I thought that would be the end, until I noticed that the car had a “For Sale” in the back window. I remembered the phone number and wrote it down as soon as I got the chance.

Later that day, I called the number from a pay phone. “Hello.” I said to the man who answered and identified himself as Steve. “I’m interested in buying your car.”

“Really?” he asked. “Would you like to come by sometime to this week to see it?”

“Well, no, this week isn’t really good for me. But I do have something very important to tell you.”

“What’s that?”

“YOU’RE A JACKASS!” I screamed, and immediately hung up.

Over the next week, I would randomly call Steve from different payphones, scream “JACKASS!” and hang up. Many laughs.

Finally, when going through the want ads, I noticed the phone number of a different man, this one named Sam selling a similar car. I did the same thing, calling him Jackass for about a week.

I called Steve back and was about to call him Jackass again when he interrupted me. “I’m sick and tired of you calling me jackass!” he yelled. “If I ever see you, I’m gonna kick your butt!”

“Well, how about if I save you the trouble and come over myself?” I asked.

“Great,” Steve said. “I live on 2915 Spring Rain Drive!”

“Got it!” I yelled. “I’ll be there in an hour!”

“I’ll be waiting outside!” steve yelled.

I called Sam, telling him he was a jackass in desperate need of being beaten up. “Well, why don’t you try to do it?” he sneered.

“I’d be glad to,” I told Sam. “I’m Steve, and my address is 2915 Spring Rain Drive. Come over if you dare, you sissy!”

“I’m on my way right now. I’ll be there in about an hour,” Sam said, hanging up.

I waited about 30 minutes and called the police. I identified myself as Sam and said I was headed over to 2915 Spring Rain Drive to murder Steve, my estranged lover who had just ended our 10-year relationship and had left me for a Chippendale Dancer.

So, if you see tonight’s news and see the two men beating each other to a pulp in front of all the television crews and police cars, now you know why.


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