Pensacola Christian College to receive accreditation, will become Pensacola Christian University

July 30, 2009

Long resistant to accreditation, Florida-based private Christian college Pensacola Christian College has announced plans for accreditation.

The accreditation, which will become effective in 2012, will be through the Southern Association of Colleges and Schools. PCC will then become known as Pensacola Christian University, or PCU, for short.

“We’ve resisted this for a long time but now feel it is the Lord’s leading,” said PCC’s vice president of public affairs, Dr. Joel Mullenix.

Mullenix said the president and founder, Dr. Arlin Horton, made the decision after much prayer and council. “He feels it is needed for the college to continue expanding and meeting the needs of the modern Christian church,” Mullenix added.

The accreditation will also be retroactive for all degrees issued since 1995 and will be conditionally retroactive for all degrees issued before then. PCC degrees of graduates from 1994 and prior who have gone on to earn accredited bachelor’s or master’s degrees will have their PCC degrees accredited. All others must complete five credit hours at an accredited university or community college for their PCC degrees to officially be accredited.

Mullenix said PCC’s resistance to accreditation stemmed from a concern of government control, such as telling the college whom it could hire and what it could teach.

PCC’s decision to accreditate and become PCU has immediately been met with sharp resistance. Noted independent fundamental Baptist evangelist and blogger, Dr. Phil Armenik, minced no words on his blog denouncing PCC.

“This iz [sic] unbiblkul [sic], amen!” Armenik wrote. “Soon PCC will let womun [sic] ware [sic] britches and let thuh [sic] men groe [sic] fashul [sic] hair! Preachur [sic] boys will start worryin [sic] about exejesusus [sic] instead of preachin’, amen! Akreditashun [sic] means PCC and its folks are goin [sic] to hell!”

Armenik urged other Christians to boycott the new PCU and instead consider a place like Hyles-Anderson College.

PCC was founded in 1974.

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If you want a job working for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad…

July 28, 2009

Ponderings from Pluto has learned that when going in to the interview, having an impressive resume might not be enough to work for Iran’s president. Instead, according to an anonymous source deep within the Iranian regime, here are three things you can do to earn employment working for Ah-Mad:

One: End every sentence by exuberantly shouting “Death to Israel!” or “Death to America!”

Two: Suggest that a new waste management plant be named after former U.S. president George W. Bush

Three: Suggest funds to be used for a research program to clone American political sheep like Sean Penn, who have no clue the true intentions of Islamofascism.


Creditor Clown endorses Dayne Walling for Flint Mayor

July 27, 2009

He’s kept a low profile lately due to all the physical abuse he’s received at the hands of Legal Helpers, but Creditor Clown is back with a message.

He wants you to vote for Dayne Walling for Flint mayor.

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“When I look at Dayne Walling, I see a man whose wisdom can help people in Flint overcome their financial problems,” said Creditor, wearing his clown suit, makeup and trademark inflatable bat.

The clown is often seen on television, taking away people’s cars and houses if they don’t pay the past-due money they owe. Last time we saw him, he was teaching students how to shake down people in foreclosures, repossessions and, as he put it, “wage gar’ishment”!

Eric Martin from Legal Helpers might get the better of him, but Creditor wants people in mid-Michigan to know that Walling is the man who can help Flint overcome its deficit and again achieve financial solvency.

The clown even hinted that those who vote for Walling may even get a break from their financial problems.

“In this economy, they’re bound to appreciate that,” he said.


Without having ‘all the facts’ Obama weighs in on other issues

July 25, 2009

After claiming he didn’t have “all the facts” earlier this week and then saying the Cambridge (Mass.) Police Department “acted stupidly” during a confrontation with his friend and Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr., President Barack Obama has decided to lend his limited expertise to other areas also.

On Friday, fresh off Chicago White Sox pitcher Mark Buerhle’s perfect game, Obama phoned White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen to give him advice on his team.

“I don’t have all the facts, but I don’t think you should’ve sent Carlos Torres back to the minor leagues when Bartolo Colon came off the disabled list,” Obama reportedly told Guillen.

“Mr. President, you do realize I played baseball at the major-league level for 16 years, have managed for more than five years and have a World Series ring, right?” Guillen replied.

Obama then called Air America talk show host Lionel and advised him on how to better perform his radio talk show.

“I don’t have all the facts, but I think you should stop saying ‘Quote…unquote’ when quoting someone on the air,” Obama told the broadcaster. “After all, this is radio and not print journalism.”

“You do understand, Mr. President, we do the ‘quote unquote’ thing so listeners know when we’re quoting someone and when we’re just reading the news or conveying our own thoughts, right?” Lionel responded.

Talking to reporters today, Obama talked about American-Russian relations. “I don’t have all the facts, but I think President Ronald Reagan was short sighted and wrong to insist on having a missile defense shield. After all, I don’t think we’ll ever have the technology for it. It’s straight out of a Star Wars movie.”

One reporter then asked an unscripted question: “Mr. President, if President Reagan was wrong to initiate and develop the Strategic Defense Initiative and if a missile defense system isn’t scientifically possible, why were the Russians so insistent on him getting rid of it?”

Obama declined to answer the reporter, saying he gives out only the answers contained in his teleprompter screen.


Jeweler/infomercial king Santo Gold to become ‘Santo Silver’

July 22, 2009

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In the Santo Gold versus Santogold right, it appears the King of Bizarre Infomercials won.

After waging a successful battle against musician Santogold to make her change her professional name, jeweler and infomercial king Santo Gold has announced he will soon be known professionally by a new name.

Santo Silver.

“It’s simpler this way, since even though I technically won my battle and forced her to change her name, I don’t think people really take me seriously,” said the soon-to-be Artist Formerly Known As Santo Gold in an exclusive interview with Ponderings from Pluto. “I think having had a criminal record and having served time for fraud worked against me.”

It was frustrating news for singer/songwriter Santi White, who had performed professionally as Santogold but changed her name to Santigold in February after a threat of legal action by Santo Gold.

“I wish that crazy man would just make up his mind and focus his ‘talents’ on dime-store jewelry,” White said in a statement.

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Santigold’s self-titled debut album when she was known as Santogold

Santo Gold (a.k.a. Santo Rigatuso and Bob Harris) still holds the rights to Santo Gold and says he’s grown very fond of his new name. He chose to change the name because of all the negative backlash from his threat of legal action and because it represents a break from his criminal past.

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Santo Gold wows the crowd during a performance.

“Santo Silver has a nice ring to it,” he explained, wearing 75 pounds worth of silver necklaces and rings to go with his trademark white suit and mirror aviator sunglasses. “Silver looks a lot like platinum, so for me, it’s even better to wear than gold.”

“Santo Silver” is still looking for executive producers and distributors for his long-awaited cult classic sci-fi/horror/comedy Blood Circus, which, he claims, has been found after having been presumed for two decades.

“This movie, mark my words, will become the next Rocky Horror Picture Show,” he said.


Simmons and Stanley announce name of new KISS album, ‘Buy This Album!’

July 21, 2009

For the first time in 11 years, the glamour rock band KISS is set to release a studio album.

Instead of releasing an umpteenth “Best Of” or another “Alive” album, the makeup and high heel wearing rockers will release an album of original new songs.

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KISS’s self-titled debut album was released in 1974.

The name? Buy This Album!

“We thought it was fitting, considering our drive for longevity and our desire to attract more fans into the KISS Army,” said co-founder and bassist Gene Simmons. We’ve been disappointed by the sales of some of our albums over the years, and our recent solo albums didn’t do as well as we’d like.”

Their last studio album was 1998’s Psycho Circus.

The result, added co-founder and rhythm guitarist Paul Stanley, is a new album reminding KISS’s fans the band is alive and well.

The lineup is different with the departure of original lead guitarist Ace Frehley and original drummer Peter Criss. They have long since been replaced by Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer, respectively.

“Many of our fans are very hard core and, no doubt, are upset that Ace and Pete aren’t around anymore,” Simmons said. “But, what can I say? Ace wouldn’t return phone calls asking him to tour with us again, and Pete has developed this habit of referring to myself and the band as a whole in the past tense.”

Buy This Album! Will serve as a title track. Other songs said to be on the album include “Filthy Rich”, “Dangerous Demons” and “Black Death”.

Stanley is 57 while Simmons will turn 60 in August. Will this be their last studio album?

“As long as our fans will spend their money to buy our music, and as long as they’ll go to our concerts, we’ll keep making music,” said Stanley.

Buy This Album! is tentatively scheduled for release later this year.


Al Franken, Sonia Sotomayor discuss courtroom dramas, celebrity judges

July 17, 2009

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Saying his mind is “made up” and he plans to vote for her confirmation, freshman U.S. Senator Al Franken (D-Minn.) spent three hours Friday afternoon talking to U.S. Supreme Court justice nominee Sonia Sotomayor about celebrity judges during confirmation hearings.

Senate Republicans complained Franken had been wasting time by asking Sotomayor meaningless questions about television court room dramas when they could instead be asking her questions about her qualifications, the majority opinions she’s written that were later overturned by the Supreme Court, her “wise Latina” comments that have been declared “racist”, her inclinations to make rulings that favor women and minorities.

Franken and Sotomayor spent time talking about Perry Mason, Matlock, The Practice, Law and Order: Trial by Jury, JAG and even movie courtroom dramas like Inherit the Wind, Gideon’s Trumpet and A Few Good Men. They even spoke of the comedy Trial and Error.

The two also chatted about which celebrity judges and shows they liked: Judge Judy, Judge Joe Brown, The People’s Court, Divorce Court.

Sotomayor also said she’s a fan of the film career of actor “Judge” Reinhold.

Franken’s questions to Sotomayor centered around how Mason won almost all his cases, how Matlock used almost the same technique (getting the real murderer on the witness stand and talking them through their crime) in every episode and how disappointing it was that Law and Order’s jury spinoff didn’t last.

Franken brushed off criticism.

“Look, the Minnesota people knew when they voted for me what kind of guy I was,” said Franken. “By trade, I’m a comedian, so I wanted to make light of these hearings. Besides, we know Sotomayor will get confirmed.”

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Sotomayor said she enjoyed her conversation with Franken and that it gave her a much-needed relief over the five minutes she spent answering tough questions about her record, alleged racial comments and decisions being overturned.