Green Day does political ‘sellout’, announces next album, ‘American Idiot II’

October 22, 2009

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Some of Green Day’s fans may consider the former indie band’s next move to be a political sellout.

Their new album, 21st Century Breakdown, isn’t even six months old, but rock band Green Day already has announced plans for their next album.

Scheduled to be released sometime around 2011 or early 2012, Green Day will record and release American Idiot II.

Whereas the 2004 album American Idiot focuses on the band’s look at post-911 America and its discontentment towards President Bush, American Idiot II looks at the band’s growing discontentment with President Barack Obama.

“All of us voted for Barack Obama in 2008, and initially we were very excited about his becoming president,” said lead guitarist and frontman Billy Joe Armstrong. “But now, as we look at how the country’s economy, how all these countries are laughing at us and how the president seems to be engaging in the same type of censorship [expletive] that we thought Bush did, all I can do now is look back to November 2008 and say, ‘Oh [expletive]! What have I done? What the [expletive] was I thinking when I voted for this man?”

With this, American Idiot II plans to focus on how things are really not any better under President Obama, Armstrong said. In fact, they’re getting worse.

Also in the band is bassist Mike Dirnt and drummer Tré Cool.

“We know many people will think we’re selling out because we were so anti-Bush and anti-War on Terror, but we’ve wisened up and have come to realize that, frankly, this current president doesn’t have the first clue what he’s doing,” Dirnt added. “We’ve decided to pull our heads out of the sand and acknowledge that Islamofascism is an exponentially-growing threat, and it’s only going to get worse.”


Detroit Lions QB Matt Stafford inducted into NFL Hall of Fame

October 15, 2009

Following the lead of the Nobel Prize Committee, which awarded a Nobel Peace Prize to President Barack Obama–ostensibly for the good things he might do during his presidency–NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced that Detroit Lions rookie quarterback Matt Stafford has been inducted into the Pro Football Hall of Fame.

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Matt Stafford, Hall of Fame quarterback, looks for a receiver.

“Matt Stafford continues to improve week after week, and we have every confidence in the world that someday he’ll finish his career with Super Bowl rings, passing records, Pro Bowl appearances and with lots of the commercial endorsements Peyton Manning currently has,” Goodell said in a statement. “For that reason, we are inducting Stafford into the Hall of Fame.”

Stafford, the Lions’ first-overall pick in this year’s draft, was at a loss for words.

“Wow, and to think I never won the Heisman or led the University of Georgia to the National Championship,” he said finally.

Some veterans are very critical of Stafford’s induction.

“What am we, chopped liver?” asked Peyton Manning on behalf of himself and his brother. “We’ve actually won Super Bowls! We’ve been to the Pro Bowl! What more do we need?”

Former Lions quarterback Joey Harrington was also very angry about Stafford’s induction. “What if he flops like I did?” Harrington asked on his way to a Seattle Seahawks tryout.


President Obama to print money to pay off national debt

October 8, 2009

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Obama’s solution to the deficit: printing press.

America’s National Debt stands at about $11 trillion, and President Barack Obama knows how to pay off the debt.

With senators, business owners and representatives from the Salvation Army around him, the president signed the 2009 U.S. Debt Forgiveness Act, which calls for the printing of $11 trillion in new American currency to pay off the national debt.

Obama estimated that it would take about three weeks for the cash to be dispersed.

“This will allow us a new beginning for our economy, for us to finally be debt-free,” Obama said in a speech.

Amid criticism from some Democrats, Republicans, economic historians and financial talk show host Dave Ramsey, Obama insisted this was the best plan.

J. Ellington Higdon, an economics professor at the University of South Texas and an expert on the post-World War I German economy, said the debt forgiveness act would be a recipe for disaster.

“I hope you like paying $200 for a gallon of gasoline,” the professor said in an exclusive interview with Ponderings From Pluto’s C.F. Twob. “That’s what it’ll come to, and that’s a conservative estimate.”

Higdon noted that the Germans printed up billions upon billions upon billions of Deutsch Marks at the end of the war to pay restitution to various countries. The result was hyper inflation, with a loaf of bread selling for millions of Deutsch Marks. Others burned currency to keep warm, saying that the currency was worthless anyway.

Former president Jimmy Carter responded to Higdon’s claim, saying that Higdon, for criticizing Obama’s plan, obviously is a racist.

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George Clooney outed–as a Republican

October 1, 2009

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Will George Clooney be smiling as he files for unemployment benefits?

No, he’s not ready to get married and settle down with one girl, and he’s not been discovered to be a homosexual. Instead, George Clooney has been caught in the act of something else that may jeopardize his career.

Clooney has been confirmed to be a closeted Republican.

For years and years, political donations to Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bob Dole, George W. Bush and finally John McCain have been made by a Stanley Jacobs of Cincinnati. Investigation by Ponderings From Pluto reveal that Jacobs’ bank account number is the same as one also used by Clooney, who’s also from Cincinnati.

“Yes, I’m a Republican,” Clooney admitted to PFP’s C.F. Twob. “All these years campaigning for liberal causes and for liberal candidates have been a complete act, just like what I do for a living.”

Why has Clooney pretended to be a Democrat?

“It’s simple,” he said. “Hollywood has no tolerance for anything that’s even slightly right of center. You have to be a liberal to have a career. I mean, why do you think guys like Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mel Gibson kept their political beliefs quiet early in their careers? For someone who hasn’t had a big career break to be caught saying, writing or doing anything conservative, there are two words: career killer.”

Clooney’s break came as a carpenter on The Facts of Life, and even then, he noticed many conservatives in Hollywood were pretending to be liberal in order to protect their careers.

The actor/director added that keeping his political beliefs a secret meant also creating many red herrings–such as the anti-Joseph McCarthy movie he directed and co-starred in, Good Night, and Good Luck.

“I’m actually a great admirer of Senator McCarthy and think he sacrificed his career, reputation and life to help protect America from communist infiltration,” Clooney explained. “But the movie served its purpose and did a great job of helping me guard my secret.”

Clooney suggested there are other big name stars who are secretly GOP supporters, but he chose not to name names. “I won’t become the political version of Perez Hilton,” he said, referring to the openly gay celebrity gossip blogger who likes to out closeted gay celebrities.

He joked that now, probably the only people in Los Angeles who will have lunch with him these days are actors like James Woods, Tom Selleck, Vince Vaughn and Sylvester Stallone.

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