George Clooney outed–as a Republican


Will George Clooney be smiling as he files for unemployment benefits?

No, he’s not ready to get married and settle down with one girl, and he’s not been discovered to be a homosexual. Instead, George Clooney has been caught in the act of something else that may jeopardize his career.

Clooney has been confirmed to be a closeted Republican.

For years and years, political donations to Ronald Reagan, George H.W. Bush, Bob Dole, George W. Bush and finally John McCain have been made by a Stanley Jacobs of Cincinnati. Investigation by Ponderings From Pluto reveal that Jacobs’ bank account number is the same as one also used by Clooney, who’s also from Cincinnati.

“Yes, I’m a Republican,” Clooney admitted to PFP’s C.F. Twob. “All these years campaigning for liberal causes and for liberal candidates have been a complete act, just like what I do for a living.”

Why has Clooney pretended to be a Democrat?

“It’s simple,” he said. “Hollywood has no tolerance for anything that’s even slightly right of center. You have to be a liberal to have a career. I mean, why do you think guys like Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Mel Gibson kept their political beliefs quiet early in their careers? For someone who hasn’t had a big career break to be caught saying, writing or doing anything conservative, there are two words: career killer.”

Clooney’s break came as a carpenter on The Facts of Life, and even then, he noticed many conservatives in Hollywood were pretending to be liberal in order to protect their careers.

The actor/director added that keeping his political beliefs a secret meant also creating many red herrings–such as the anti-Joseph McCarthy movie he directed and co-starred in, Good Night, and Good Luck.

“I’m actually a great admirer of Senator McCarthy and think he sacrificed his career, reputation and life to help protect America from communist infiltration,” Clooney explained. “But the movie served its purpose and did a great job of helping me guard my secret.”

Clooney suggested there are other big name stars who are secretly GOP supporters, but he chose not to name names. “I won’t become the political version of Perez Hilton,” he said, referring to the openly gay celebrity gossip blogger who likes to out closeted gay celebrities.

He joked that now, probably the only people in Los Angeles who will have lunch with him these days are actors like James Woods, Tom Selleck, Vince Vaughn and Sylvester Stallone.

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4 Responses to George Clooney outed–as a Republican

  1. Kat says:

    You can go to lunch with me anytime. Maybe we can go to the zoo, and throw peanuts at the donkeys!

    Love you, George!

  2. p.evansen says:

    ok, as a long time fan etc. and news listener, i’m just a little confused and disappointed. you know, there are no heros anymore, but it would be nice to know who is on your side and who isn’t.
    just discougeged. a 58 year old female casual longshoreman waiting for a chance to be hired into the ILWU 13, starving meanwile. THANKS GEORGE

  3. stars without makeup…

    […]George Clooney outed–as a Republican « Ponderings from Pluto[…]…

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