Van Halen fires Roth, hires Wolfgang Van Halen as lead singer

Father and son, together again. And again.

They said it wouldn’t last between David Lee Roth and Eddie Van Halen, and they were right.

In a statement released today, Van Halen has announced it’s parting ways with on-again, off-again lead singer David Lee Roth and is hiring yet another new lead singer.

“After much discussion, it’s once again become aware that there are far too many creative differences for David and Eddie and Alex and Wolfgang to peacefully co-exist in the band,” Eddie said, in a statement prepared by his wife, Janie Liszewski-Van Halen. “We wish him well and hope his solo career is just like paradise.”

Sources say Roth’s deteriorating voice is the main factor for the split. Reportedly, in one recording session for the band’s upcoming album Encore, Dave was so off-key that he shattered the three-inch thick plexiglas window that separates the main studio from the room where Alex lays down his drum tracks.

“The glass went everywhere and cut up Wolfie pretty badly,” Janie said about her stepson. “Thank goodness for that first aid kit we keep in the 5150 studio.”

With Dave gone, Eddie and Alex have decided to make the band a three-some and entirely Van Halen.

In other words, Wolfgang Van Halen will now be the bassist and the lead singer.

“We think he can pull it off,” Eddie said. “He has the Van Halen genes for music and the Bertinelli genes for performing.”

Of course, Eddie’s referring to his ex-wife Valerie Bertinelli, who co-starred with Bonnie Franklin and MacKenzie Phillips on One Day at a Time and has a long list of TV movies to her credit.

Van Halen is still planning to have out its new album, Encore, by October 2010.


12 Responses to Van Halen fires Roth, hires Wolfgang Van Halen as lead singer

  1. kelly says:

    How can Wolfie be both the bassist and lead guitarist? What’s Eddie gonna do? K

  2. […] understand what satire’s supposed to be. More recently, I posted a satire piece of Van Halen firing on-again, off-again lead singer David Lee Roth and hiring Wolfgang Van Halen to be lead singer besides the bass […]

  3. dustin says:

    if this is true your an idiot mr roth and vanhalen
    go to hell

  4. VHfan1984 says:

    This is gotta be false…considering this is posted NOWHERE else on the internet, that and im pretty sure it’s impossible for someone(let alone David Lee Roth) to breck a 3 inch thick plexiglass window with their voice no matter how off key it is, I would only belive such a thing if it was on an offical Van Halen website or in a magazine (such as Guitar World) but so far no one else has posted or said anything on this so yeah im calling BS

  5. Ryan Harmon says:

    This is a fake report. Trust me. I know.

  6. Ryan Harmon says:

    Janie posts EVERYTHING on her promotional website once it happens. There has been NOTHING about Roth being out again, so this is a lie.

  7. jc says:

    If this post is true I would be very interested to work with David Lee Roth which is a great Singer and Composer and we’re gonna kick some ass…

  8. JUANE5150 says:

    jajajajajajajaja que ridiculo.
    sin voz ni un buen bajista. Eddi es genial pero sin david ni sammy ni mike, esto no va a resultar.
    Creo que esta noticia es fake!!!!!!!!!!!!

  9. mark says:

    I think its greAT publicity either way u look at it.
    I knew somethin was wrong when this post said..wolfie will sing for the band..And a 3 peice band? Like Rush..I don’t think so!!!
    Peace out,
    by the way if any dude wants to see the hottest 2 girls swallow..check this out!!

  10. Brennan says:

    The new album is being released in 2011. They just started recording this year (2011) This report is obviously a lie. DLR is with Van Halen and is currently working on a new album

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