Businesswoman and television personality Oprah Winfrey has inspired hundreds of millions of women with her book club as they’ve rediscovered classics like Anna Karenina and discovered new books like Jonathan Franzen’s latest novel, Freedom. Now, Oprah will announce on November 21 the newest book to be inducted into her famous club, Oprah’s Book Club.
The Gospel According to Oprah.“It just came to me one day as I was in the South Pacific trying to choose an island to buy,” Oprah said in an interview with Ponderings From Pluto correspondent C.F. Twob. “As I was traveling, I felt divine inspiration coming over me. I suppose that is also what Matthew, Mark, Luke and John felt. And then I saw visions of Jesus announcing that everybody listening to His Sermon on the Mount would be given brand-new chariots. I imagined him also feeding the thousands with fish prepared by His own personal chef and handing out his Favorite Things to the needy.”
Only the select, chosen few books go into Oprah’s Book Club, the Medal of Honor of the literary world.
Oprah went to a nearby outdoor café and sat down and wrote her account of Jesus’ time on earth. She estimated it took about two hours to write.
Winfrey feels her “gospel” would help to enhance the other Gospels by properly depicting Jesus as a politically-active pious man instead of just a man who came to earth, was born of a virgin, worked as a humble carpenter, performed miracles, taught disciples, healed the sick, raised the dead, fed the hungry, was wrongly crucified, died for the sins of all mankind, then was buried, rose again and returned back to heaven after giving His disciples instructions on how to run the early church.
Did she have any help writing this book?
“No! Of course not!” she replied. “It all came to me in a single draft. I did not receive any help from Stedman or from by best friend, Gayle. It was all written by me, and as is the case when you’re writing under divine inspiration, the first draft was absolutely perfect.”
Among the exclusive excerpts Ponderings From Pluto has obtained:
Oprah 1:15: “And I, Oprah, do speak of the wonderful words the Lord Jesus Christ has given me and do diligently write them down.”
Oprah 5:17: (Jesus is delivering the Sermon on the Mount) “To them who seek me, to those I give not only everlasting life, but also my favorite things.”
Oprah 19:29: “And Jesus said unto them, ‘Woe unto you, Republicans and hypocrites! For you suppress the poor and force them to work a long, 40-hour week to earn a living! Hellfire awaits you!”
There has been speculation that Oprah will have her gospel available in five primary English versions: King James Version-style, New King James Version-style, New International Version-style, New American Standard Version-style and the New Ebonics Version-style.
Oprah will make The Gospel According to Oprah available for free to her November 21 audience, and it will soon be available for sale through her website. People can either purchase leather-bound editions, hard cover or paperless computer downloads. She also plans, by Spring 2011, to have an Oprah Study Bible available where her gospel would be included among the other 66 books of the Bible. And, yes, it will also be one of the items available in her 2011 Oprah’s Favorite Things collection.
What plans does she have for the original manuscript?
“I wrote this book on legal notepads using a $175 Waterman fountain pen,” she said. “The manuscript itself is locked in a private vault inside one of my 84 mansions.”
There has been no word yet from Protestant or Catholic leaders on whether they will accept Oprah’s gospel into the Biblical cannon. Pope Benedict XVI is said to be very doubtful, as is Joel Osteen. Pat Robertson revealed on The 700 Club that the Lord told him Chicago (Oprah’s adopted hometown) would suffer some sort of terrible natural disaster because of Oprah’s blasphemy.
Noted religious skeptic Bill Maher was skeptical of Oprah.
“I suppose next she’ll claim to be god and will want all her mindless followers to worship her,” he scoffed. “Even Jerry Falwell didn’t stoop to such stupidity.”
Do you plan to read The Gospel According to Oprah? Post comments here or drop a line to firstname.lastname@example.org.