Yankees to put names on the back of their jerseys

By C.F. Twob
PFP staff writer

In a shocking break from tradition, the New York Yankees have announced that for their 2009 season they will feature a significant change in their uniforms.

Gone are the days with the jerseys consisting simply of a monogrammed NY logo and number on the back or the word mark NEW YORK with the number on back. Now, all Yankee uniforms will feature the players’ names on the back.

“We just felt it was time for a change,” said Hank Steinbrenner, son of longtime Yankees owner George Steinbrenner, in a statement. “To me, basic has just become boring. I know some who are firm believers in Yankee Pride and Yankee Tradition are unhappy, but they’ll just have to get over it.”

Steinbrenner added that he made his decision late in the season. He became angry at one Yankee ballplayer who had just struck out. The problem was, Steinbrenner couldn’t tell who the player was. Without his roster sheet with him, he was unable to identify the player simply by the number on his back. The Boss sought the assistance of a popcorn vendor, who confirmed for him that #13 was Alex Rodriguez.

Speaking of A-Rod, what does he think of the new uniform?

“It gets old when some kid calls out to me, “Hey, Number 13! Can I get your autograph?” Rodriguez told Ponderings from Pluto. That never happened in Seattle or Texas, where we wore names on the back of all our jerseys.”

The third baseman, who re-signed last year with the Yankees following a tumultuous off-season in which he opted out of his contract but was unable to find any teams interested in his high-salary demands, denied reports that he already has his surname tattooed across his upper back.

‘Longlegs’ the female spinoff of Longarm smutty western novels

Longarm, an ongoing of western novels that combine classical westerns with explicit sex, has announced a spinoff to the novel series that is targeted more towards female readers.

On February 14, 2010, a new series entitled “Longlegs” will be released.

Longarm is based in Colorado in the 1880s and focuses on the sexual and law enforcement exploits of U.S. Deputy Marshall Custis “Longarm” Long. While solving crimes, Longarm also finds time in each novel to bed a number of beautiful ladies. The details tend to be as cheesy as they are erotic.

“We’ve long had complaints that Longarm is sexist, so we decided to branch out and offer sexy western novels that women would love to read,” explained Longarm co-creator Lou Cameron.

Longlegs is based in Texas in the 1880s and is the story of Sadie “Longlegs” Longley, a 5’10” former whorehouse madame who becomes a sheriff to avenge the death of her longtime boyfriend. A long-legged, voluptuous strawberry blonde, Longlegs uses her feminine guiles to bed men, gather information and use that to not only bring criminals to justice, but also try to solve the death of her boyfriend, who at the time of his death was about to turn over state’s evidence regarding a murder in a gold mine.

Cameron hinted that in a few novels Longlegs and Longarm might meet but said their relationship would probably be a one or two-time affair and then evolve into one that’s almost exclusively professional.

“Yes, we will be giving explicit details as Longlegs beds men,” Cameron said. “While our female readers will enjoy seeing a female lead in the novel, the male readers will enjoy reading about Longlegs’ exploits.”

Those exploits, no doubt, will include Longarm’s notoriously-cheesy methaphors such as “large, fleshy globes” while the characters make corny comments in the midst of copulation.