Samuel L. Jackson to star in Snakes on a Plane sequel, ‘Snakes on a Space Shuttle’

June 30, 2010

The snakes are back, and this time they’re in outer space.

Snakes on a Plane has achieved a cult following ever since its 2006 release. If Mystery Science Theater 3000 was still around, it would no doubt profile those airborne reptiles. People love to watch the movie to see snakes bite one person after another on a plane, including a couple guilty of trying to join the Mile High Club while getting high. And, of course, the edited version of the famous line where Jackson drops two M-F bombs in one sentence:

Many herpetologists (snake experts) wondered aloud why the writers and producers didn’t save themselves trouble in the storyline by lowering the cabin temperature in the plane to 50 degrees to neutralize the snakes, since snakes are cold-blooded and can’t move around when cold. But, alas, we would’ve been deprived a movie so corny it’s become a classic.

Look no further: coming in 2011 Samuel L. Jackson will reprise his role as Neville Flynn in Snakes in a Space Shuttle.

In this science-fiction film, Flynn becomes an astronaut and, of course, travels to the International Space Station to conduct top-secret surveillance on drug dealers using an experimental satellite. But the drug dealers angry with him surviving the snakes on the plane in the first movie have other ideas as they smuggle snakes onto the space shuttle. The reptiles are released while the shuttle is in zero gravity on its way to the station.

Jackson’s character this time must once again deal with snakes–this time the floating kind who spit venom into zero gravity in hopes it’ll reach our hero and kill him once and for all.

“Neville just can’t catch a break,” Jackson told Ponderings From Pluto’s C.F. Twob. “He’s frustrated and still traumatized from the plane incident, and now he has to once again do battle against snakes. He’s so panicked he doesn’t realize he could just lower the temperature of the shuttle, or put on his space suit and expose the snakes to the vacuum of space.”

Jackson admits he’ll probably again hear from angry herpetologists regarding how snakes will be treated.

The actor also admits he almost didn’t do this sequel, but changed his mind after producers guaranteed him $20 million, a percentage of the gross and a chance to once again utter an angry phrase that involves his favorite profanity.

Is it possible he’ll say, “I’ve had it with these M*TH*RF*CK*N’ snakes on this M*TH*RF*CK*N’ space shuttle!”?

Jackson added: “Truth be told, ‘m*th*rf*ck*ng’ is my favorite profanity, and whenever I see it in the script of a potential movie project, I’m much more likely to sign on to do the film.”

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Sheryl Crow, Joan Baez, David Crosby, Carly Simon, Eddie Vedder to headline ‘Give Peace A Chance’ concert in Jordan

June 27, 2010

Saying they want Arabs, Farsis and Jews to “give peace a chance”, the cream of the crop of American music’s anti-war talent will travel to the Middle East to Jordan to perform a “Give Peace A Chance” concert to encourage the Muslims and Jews to lay aside their arms and live in harmony.

Scheduled to perform are Sheryl Crow, Joan Baez, David Crosby, Eddie Vedder, Arlo Guthrie, Julian Lennon and Rage Against the Machine.

Crow will probably perform while wearing a shirt like this with “War is not the answer” in Hebrew, Persian Farsi and Arabic

“We chose Jordan as a location for the concert because it’s one of the few places Americans can perform without having to worry about being shot, tortured or beheaded,” said Crow. “Iran’s far too volatile now, as is Iraq, and we won’t perform in Israel because of the way they have treated the Palestinians. The Israelis especially don’t understand that war is not the answer.”

Sixties antiwar icon Baez helped organize the event and is rumored to sing a duet with Crosby. Simon will sing “Give Peace A Chance” while Lennon will sing “Imagine”–the song his father made famous. Lennon is also rumored to do a sort of “bed-in” protest like his father did with Yoko Ono and will say he won’t get out of bed until Israel ends its blockade of the Gaza Strip.

Vedder is rumored to sing the Star Spangled Banner and add in vocal sound effects to mimic the bombs that Americans have dropped on innocent Iraqi civilians.

The singers are all learning the songs they’ll sing in the three languages in the region–Arabic, Hebrew and Persian Farsi. Interpreters will be available to translate into sub-dialects of each language.

“We felt the songs would make more sense if sung in the languages of the locals,” Crosby explained. “Otherwise, they’d just roll their eyes at the idea of English being sung.”

Jordan has agreed to give the performers safety while there but encourages them to finish the concert after a week. It is scheduled to take place in September in Amman.

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Ponderings From Pluto searches for lost story

June 24, 2010

Editor’s note: The other day, I pitched a story idea for this blog to my wife, Jennifer. She laughed heartily–a sign that I was onto something absolutely hilarious.

Now, the problem is, I can’t remember what idea I pitched to her.

Arrrrrrrrrrgh!

My wife tells me she doesn’t remember the idea, a sure sign she’s holding it hostage unless I do something very special for her on our 13th wedding anniversary on June 30.

I do remember it didn’t have anything to do with Sean Penn (at least I’m pretty sure it didn’t although Jeff Spicoli and his half-baked political analysis is always great for a few laughs). I don’t think it had anything to do with President Barack Obama.

Stay tuned…

If you have Ponderings From Pluto’s idea and are holding it hostage, post your ransom note requirements here or e-mail them to ponderingsfrompluto@gmail.com.


New will of Gary Coleman’s uncovered, leaves entire estate to Ponderings From Pluto

June 17, 2010

We at Ponderings From Pluto are currently at work trying to verify the authenticity of a recently-uncovered will of the late actor Gary Coleman.

According to this will, the dimunitive Diff’rent Strokes star left his entire estate to this blog.

The will, uncovered recently in a safe deposit box in a bank near Salt Lake City, reads in part: “I, Gary Coleman, being of sound mind, do hereby leave my entire estate, including assets, train collection, bank accounts, residuals from Diff’rent Strokes and any future earnings, to the blog Ponderings From Pluto.

“I leave no provisions to my parents, ex-wife, Shannon Price, or to any and all business managers. Especially to my ‘parents’, who’ve siphoned off more than enough money from me already.”

Those earnings also include residuals from Coleman’s infamous Cash Call commercials.

Coleman, prior to his death, was trademarking the phrase “Whatchoo talkin’ bout?!”, and he also noted in the will that he wished to bequeathed royalties from that to PFP also.

If this can be verified, it is difficult to tell when PFP would be able to collect the money or if it can: at least two other wills have surfaced, one by Price and one by a “mystery woman” who claims to have been Coleman’s girlfriend.

Post comments here or e-mail ponderingsfrompluto@gmail.com.