President Obama announces his resignation

President Obama has announced his resignation as President of the United States.

“This job was far more difficult than I could’ve imagined,” he said. “I didn’t sign up for a job where I’m constantly inundated with phone calls, meetings and having to deal with the likes of Iran.

Reports say Obama was also being pressured by his top advisors to surrender his Blackberry, for security reasons.

Effective immediately, Joe Biden will be sworn in as the 45th president. He is rumored to be considering Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for vice president.

Phelps to compete in every sport in 2012 Olympics

“2008 was boring.”

That’s the reason why Michael Phelps, who won a record eight gold medals in the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing, China, plans to expand his level of competition in the 2012 games in London.

He plans to compete in every event.

Besides swimming, Phelps plans to compete in track and field, archery, wrestling, weight lifting, rowing, and every thing else.

“My goal is to win a gold medal in every single event,” Phelps said.

Stay tuned…

Gene Simmons’ dragon boots to get Nike Swoosh

In an exclusive marketing agreement, KISS bassist Gene Simmons has announced a five-year agreement to have the Nike swoosh logo on the sides of his dragon boots.

Simmons, co-founder of KISS, wears the dragon boots as part of his demon persona.

“I feel this is an excellent business partnership,” Simmons said in a statement. “I’d like to encourage our fans to ‘Just do it’ and attend our concerts and buy our merchandise.”

Simmons, a notorious non-drinker who did controversial ads for Miller Lite a few years ago, shrugged off accusations of the over-commercialization of KISS. “It’s just business,” he said. “Besides, I have guitar picks that are older than some of these critics of mine.”