Chicago White Sox announce name change, to be known as ‘Chicago Sox’

April 10, 2013

Saying they have decided to shed an archaic name and move forward into the future, the Chicago White Sox announced they have successfully petitioned Major League Baseball for a name change.

Effective in the 2014 MLB season, the Chicago White Sox will drop the “White” and will become known as the Chicago Sox.

current white sox logo

The current Chicago White Sox logo. As you can tell, it has very little “white” in it.

“For us, ‘White Sox’ is an outdated nickname since we no longer wear white socks,” said team owner Jerry Reinsdorf. “It has been many decades since we last wore white stirrups, and we feel it’s time for a name that is more indicative of who we are now.”

Players today generally wear their pants down to their shoes with no socks showing. The White Sox’ uniform is designed where the socks underneath are black.

The White Sox’ current team colors are black, silver and white. In the past they have worn different shades of blue along with red. Their current logo, which adorns their caps and their home jerseys, is the word Sox in diagonal Old English script. They last wore white socks back in the 1970s when they wore throwback uniforms designed to emulate late 19th century/early 20th century baseball.

76Jammies

The last time the White Sox actually wore white sox…

 

1917 white sox logo

 

This was the White Sox logo back in the days of Eddie Cicotte and “Shoeless” Joe Jackson.

The team has long had the “Sox” logo in various forms. In 1919, for example, it was the letter S with an “O” on the top loop and an “X” in the bottom loop. Back in the 1970s and early 1980s, it was the a horizontal SOX log on their cap and then on their jerseys.

Most Chicago White Sox fans say that as long as they defeat north side rival Chicago Cubs, they will be happy with the name change.

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California asks celebrities to ‘rent’ spouses instead of marrying and divorcing

February 13, 2013

Due to court dockets being overwhelmed in California due to constant celebrity divorces, the Golden State is considering altering its marital laws to make it easier for actors and actresses, musicians, socialites and other members of the rich and famous to exit a marriage.

Under new legislation being considered, for an additional filing fee and an exit fee, wealthy Californians will be allowed to “rent” a relationship.

Instead of getting married to someone else, they and their partner will be allowed to rent each other for a specific amount of time.

“We are doing this because divorces are eating up too much of the courts’ times,” said J. Higgins Carillo, a former longtime divorce attorney and current spokesperson for the California Attorney General office. “We arrested one man for a triple homicide in Los Angeles in 1984, and his case is just now getting to court due to all the countless divorces: Demi Moore, Katy Perry, Reese Witherspoon and, yes, the Kardashians.”

Carillo said the rental law would also apply to gay marriage, especially if any gay married couples are marrying for convenience or aren’t sure if the relationship will last. “Why should heterosexuals be the only ones allowed to rent?” he asked.

Rental options being considered are as follows:

The Kardashian Lease: For any famous-for-being-famous celebrity who wishes to salvage their short, unremarkable reality tv show career through a short-term rental. One month up to one year are available.

kardashian_sisters

The Kardashian sisters. Ponderings From Pluto has no idea how many marriages or divorces they’ve had.

The Kutcher Lease: For young celebrities who are still trying to reach A-list status and wish to do so by spending five years renting a famous, more established celebrity. This type of option is certain to have a butterfly effect.

ashton kutcher

Ashton Kutcher used to be Mr. Demi Moore.

The Twain Rental: For any celebrity who wishes to further their career by recovering from an unceremonious end of a relationship where the celebrity’s spouse sleeps with the celebrity’s best friend; the celebrity would then no longer want to stand by her man, since any man of hers would never do such a thing. Available in five, 10 and 15-year rentals.

Carillo expects this to be commonly used in the country music world and says the law may even be altered to be used in Tennessee.

The Landon Lease: For any celebrity who wishes to further their career with a family-friendly image, which requires a long-term relationship. Ten, 20 and 30-year rentals are available.

landon

Michael Landon, who made many family-friendly programs, also was married three times and divorced twice.

Carillo says if the new laws are approved, they could become available by 2014.

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Extraterrestrial aliens tell astronomers: QUIT looking for us!

December 5, 2012

72933-Voyager-Golden-Record

You might remember how, in 1977, both Voyager space probes launched from earth contained the above gold-covered copper plates. The plates contained greetings in various earth languages and served as some sort of time capsule. Assuming someone finds it in the distant future (that likelihood is comparable to Justin Bieber relaunching his career as a rock-and-roll frontman whose career eventually results in enshrinement in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame), those who find it will learn about earth culture and where earth is in the galaxy.

Ostensibly, the records were sent out in an effort to find extraterrestrial life.

And now, they appear to have hit paydirt.

Unfortunately, the response seems to be: “QUIT searching for us!”

Astronomers recently received a message from an extraterrestrial civilization that is based out of the Andromeda Galaxy. (That galaxy is about 2.5 million light years away, far beyond the reaches of where the Voyagers currently are, but the aliens have declined to say how they still found the Voyager probes).

Here is the extraterrestrials’ message to earth:

“People from earth: do not bother responding to this message. This will be a one-time message. Any further response from you will be neither acknowledged nor answered.

“Yes, yes, yes, there is extraterrestrial life in the universe. LOTS of it. Earth is but an uncivilized civilization in comparison. We are well-read, civilized intellectuals while you are all slimy, amoebas.

“For a while we have listened to your transmissions, and what we have seen and heard has convinced us it is not in our best interests to interact with you.

“Your famous musician, Frank Zappa, once said in an intercepted interview that stupidity, NOT hydrogen, is the most abundant substance in the universe. This is absolutely true of earth and is indicative of why we wish no contact with you. We view your stupidity as a virus that would only contaminate us.

 frank zappa

Frank Zappa, 1940-1993

“Still, in honor of Zappa’s astute analysis, we are planning on naming a soon-to-be-formed galaxy in his honor and memory. The stars in that galaxy will bear the names of his children and his songs and the planets will bear the names of his lyrics.

“So, again, leave us alone and QUIT trying to find us.

“Very disrespectfully, an extraterrestrial race from the Andromeda Galaxy.”

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Ponderings From Pluto searches for lost story

June 24, 2010

Editor’s note: The other day, I pitched a story idea for this blog to my wife, Jennifer. She laughed heartily–a sign that I was onto something absolutely hilarious.

Now, the problem is, I can’t remember what idea I pitched to her.

Arrrrrrrrrrgh!

My wife tells me she doesn’t remember the idea, a sure sign she’s holding it hostage unless I do something very special for her on our 13th wedding anniversary on June 30.

I do remember it didn’t have anything to do with Sean Penn (at least I’m pretty sure it didn’t although Jeff Spicoli and his half-baked political analysis is always great for a few laughs). I don’t think it had anything to do with President Barack Obama.

Stay tuned…

If you have Ponderings From Pluto’s idea and are holding it hostage, post your ransom note requirements here or e-mail them to ponderingsfrompluto@gmail.com.